The stomach flu tore through the house making Chloe deathly ill for 18 hours and then hitting me for about 36 hours. The flu and heartbreak of The Boy moving to Alaska were followed by good things like Mother's Day, eight blissful days in Mexico, seeing The National in San Diego, Chloe successfully completing her first year of Junior High, close friends graduating with master's degrees, and the purchase of several new records. The yucky flavors of candy sprinkles were things like an influx of unexpected bills, a flat tire, falling down the stairs (don't ask), real snow storms in Utah, failed interventions, trying to keep up with work, and intolerable frustration.
I am working on three things: patience, forgiveness, and balance. It sounds easier than it is. There are brief moments when I believe everything is going to work out and then there are moments when I know nothing is going to work out unless I go somewhere far, far away. People add complexity. People in close proximity add dysfunctional complexity. I want to run.
Things I know for sure:
1. I need to move. Soon. If I want to be happy and achieve true balance, moving needs to be my top priority.
2. Typically, people over 50 aren't going to change nor do they want to be forgiven. This is fine until it starts negatively impacting others on a daily basis. The only thing that I can change is to remove myself from the situation. Realizing this and doing it are two different things. The latter being the hardest.
3. I am good at forgiving. Sometimes it just takes space and time. And sometimes I need to forgive not only those who ask, but those who don't.
There is a lot of work to be done here. Too much. A whole new chapter and way of being awaits. I wish there was a set of instructions attached.