Friday, February 3, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
math is more fun than ben
staying consistent with my lofty goals for 2012, i pledge to blog only about all things bright, new, and shiny. and serious. new, important things that will provide insight for all of mankind. topics dedicated to a cause. things i believe in. words formed together in sentences to make the world a better place.
to that end, i would like to talk about this travesty: The Bachelor.
holy jesus.
undoubtedly the biggest waste of time this year was the one hour or so i spent watching this week's episode. clearly people have lost their damned minds. this show, or at least this season of the show, is just unbelievably lame. this show -- "this show" being The Bachelor -- well, anyone contributing to it should be ashamed for using electricity (even solar-powered electricity ) to produce it. i know it isn't intended to be a psychological thriller or hard hitting documentary, but what? The Bachelor has no entertainment value whatsoever.
in all truthfulness, i am pretty sure i enjoyed the show (it's hard for me to even type the name, it is) a few years ago when it was somewhat interesting. i mean, don't get me wrong, it's no Temptation Island but even i enjoy mindless entertainment from time to time. anydamnway, i knew someone who was purportedly on it this season so innocently enough, i decided to DVR it. i sure did. fortunately (for her) she is not around on the episode i caught; apparently she escaped the possibility of becoming Bachelor Ben's future bride earlier in the season. unfortunately (for me) it was painful to watch.
first of all, this Ben guy? he's a complete dipshit.
question: does he always look this confused?
answer: yes.
question: is it annoying?
answer: yes.
in real life, this guy probably can't get one date. now he has sixteen or so crying about how they have "fallen for him" every night. that's totally real. and he has no redeeming qualities. he's not cute, he's not charismatic, he's not especially intelligent, and he's not funny, quirky, or tall. and of course he falls for the biggest skank in the group: some bitchy model who has an "f-list" of the girls she hates. it's almost like a G-rated version of Rock of Love without Bret Michaels, bandannas, or interesting females. no creepy eyeliner. no barfing at the dinner table. nothing. just nothing.
how does this happen? how does every girl fall in love with Ben? where do all the rejected girls come up with those tears? how is it that none of them have ever donkey punched the bitchy model? how do they find sponsors to keep this show on air? maybe that's why Ben looks confused all the time ... maybe he's just enjoying the free booze and getting some ass. because he can. why not? good for you.
i kept waiting. i kept waiting for it to get more interesting. and it just didn't. all i wanted was one girl to say, yeah, i don't see it. i don't have feelings for him. no matter how much i drink, or even, shit! ANOTHER cold sore?pass the Valtrex.
there is no depth to the souls of these people. no real conversations. nothing that isn't completely expected or superficial or stupid. no crazy saxophone player or ventriloquist. it's just horrifically dull.
huh. so this is what happens on the first day of being unemployed? terrifying.
Monday, January 23, 2012
The Need to Know
one of my goals over the past couple of months was to let go of my incessant need to know. i have always been compelled to seek the reasons for, or truth about, motives, events, or actions of people. not because i want a juicy scoop or to validate myself, but just to understand shit.
i consider myself an understanding person, forgiving to a fault, so it makes me curious when people keep things from me. maybe i see myself as something i'm not? maybe i'm not approachable. maybe i over-react and people would rather avoid a conversation with me altogether because they think i'm going to unleash on them.
this innate need to know, well, it's not a bad trait to have when doing market research or making a decision about having a body part removed. it can be helpful when negotiating business deals. but i am not naturally inclined to explore the deep, dark truth behind the reason the SEC eliminated and then reinstated the uptick rule. i don't even care what was in the 50 cinnamon gummy hearts i just ate.
my curiosity is obviously romanticism-based; i'm not always searching for logic or absolute realism.
for example, i'd like to know why out of five siblings, i am the only one who doesn't need glasses or contacts. and i am not talking about understanding the genetic probability (it's 75% if both parents carry the gene) or the implications of refractive errors -- i want to know whether my parents ate something weird on the night i was conceived; if it's because no one pointed a flashlight directly into my eyes when i was little; if all my kin masturbated too much; if my sister knocked my occipital lobe into overdrive when we cracked skulls that one time ... i am not complaining, i don't want corrective lenses. it's just interesting to me.
anyway, i digress. often people perceive my need to know as my need to be right. this is the biggest misconception people have about me. i don't need to be right nor do i need scientific evidence about something. i just need to know intention and thought-processes. in fact, a lot of times, i would prefer to be wrong about questions i have or the motives of others. i often hope i am not right. others perceive my need to know as annoying or skeptical, or they think i am going to use the information against them in some way. not true either. well, why? why do you want to know? because. i want to know. why do you ask? because i'm curious. why not?
maybe my need to know has spilled over into the unhealthy category because sometimes i obsess about why mentally ill people or sociopaths do crazy things. there is no explanation, outside of a neurological defect or diagnosis that i am not qualified to understand. still, i wonder. what are they thinking? when did they start thinking that way? did they know they were going crazy?
i wish i could dismiss instead of analyze but more often than not, it's because i have a physical reaction about something that catapults my brain into a spinning top. i am driven by intuition and physical sensations that result in my search for some kind of answer or resolution. i've always just considered it a "gut feeling" or a "vibe." and it's not a bad thing. sometimes acting on these feelings result in great things. other times, i wish i would have acted on them instead of suppressing them.
i want to learn new things, i want to see things from a new perspective, i want to understand, i want to know if people think the same way i do, i want to know if it's normal, i want to know why some people are detached, i want to know why some people find peace, i need to know why i interpret things completely opposite than others. that's it. is that the kind of curiosity that killed the cat? ok, so maybe i don't need to know why Tim Tebow thinks it's okay to have a giant head, wear terrible fashion, and brag about why Jesus loves him so much more than everyone else. i can accept that i'll never understand him.
i guess i can tone it down and at least focus my interest on situations that are a good use of my energy or can benefit someone. i'll try. but i still believe that there is credence in the saying, the truth will set you free. or maybe that's a big fat lie and i've been chasing after something that doesn't even really exist. i mean, the truth changes every second. what was true yesterday isn't necessarily true today. so maybe there is no truth. why do people believe that? and is it okay for them ... ah. shoot. man, old habits die hard.
i consider myself an understanding person, forgiving to a fault, so it makes me curious when people keep things from me. maybe i see myself as something i'm not? maybe i'm not approachable. maybe i over-react and people would rather avoid a conversation with me altogether because they think i'm going to unleash on them.
this innate need to know, well, it's not a bad trait to have when doing market research or making a decision about having a body part removed. it can be helpful when negotiating business deals. but i am not naturally inclined to explore the deep, dark truth behind the reason the SEC eliminated and then reinstated the uptick rule. i don't even care what was in the 50 cinnamon gummy hearts i just ate.
my curiosity is obviously romanticism-based; i'm not always searching for logic or absolute realism.
for example, i'd like to know why out of five siblings, i am the only one who doesn't need glasses or contacts. and i am not talking about understanding the genetic probability (it's 75% if both parents carry the gene) or the implications of refractive errors -- i want to know whether my parents ate something weird on the night i was conceived; if it's because no one pointed a flashlight directly into my eyes when i was little; if all my kin masturbated too much; if my sister knocked my occipital lobe into overdrive when we cracked skulls that one time ... i am not complaining, i don't want corrective lenses. it's just interesting to me.
anyway, i digress. often people perceive my need to know as my need to be right. this is the biggest misconception people have about me. i don't need to be right nor do i need scientific evidence about something. i just need to know intention and thought-processes. in fact, a lot of times, i would prefer to be wrong about questions i have or the motives of others. i often hope i am not right. others perceive my need to know as annoying or skeptical, or they think i am going to use the information against them in some way. not true either. well, why? why do you want to know? because. i want to know. why do you ask? because i'm curious. why not?
maybe my need to know has spilled over into the unhealthy category because sometimes i obsess about why mentally ill people or sociopaths do crazy things. there is no explanation, outside of a neurological defect or diagnosis that i am not qualified to understand. still, i wonder. what are they thinking? when did they start thinking that way? did they know they were going crazy?
i wish i could dismiss instead of analyze but more often than not, it's because i have a physical reaction about something that catapults my brain into a spinning top. i am driven by intuition and physical sensations that result in my search for some kind of answer or resolution. i've always just considered it a "gut feeling" or a "vibe." and it's not a bad thing. sometimes acting on these feelings result in great things. other times, i wish i would have acted on them instead of suppressing them.
i want to learn new things, i want to see things from a new perspective, i want to understand, i want to know if people think the same way i do, i want to know if it's normal, i want to know why some people are detached, i want to know why some people find peace, i need to know why i interpret things completely opposite than others. that's it. is that the kind of curiosity that killed the cat? ok, so maybe i don't need to know why Tim Tebow thinks it's okay to have a giant head, wear terrible fashion, and brag about why Jesus loves him so much more than everyone else. i can accept that i'll never understand him.
i guess i can tone it down and at least focus my interest on situations that are a good use of my energy or can benefit someone. i'll try. but i still believe that there is credence in the saying, the truth will set you free. or maybe that's a big fat lie and i've been chasing after something that doesn't even really exist. i mean, the truth changes every second. what was true yesterday isn't necessarily true today. so maybe there is no truth. why do people believe that? and is it okay for them ... ah. shoot. man, old habits die hard.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
2012 coming in hot!
best text messaging this year. maybe ever.
Dear carly,
Are you alive?
Dear Bethie,
I am alive.
Let's jive.
Happy New Year.
How's your beaver?
Xoxo
Carlos
Would love to jive
Happy new year back
I hear you have a new rack
beaver appears dead
Xoxo, Bethy
Dear carly,
Are you alive?
Dear Bethie,
I am alive.
Let's jive.
Happy New Year.
How's your beaver?
Xoxo
Carlos
Would love to jive
Happy new year back
I hear you have a new rack
beaver appears dead
Xoxo, Bethy
Saturday, December 31, 2011
30 Things: Day 30
your favorite song
"Given to Fly" by Pearl Jam
He could've tuned in, tuned in
But he tuned out
A bad time, nothing could save him
Alone in a corridor, waiting, locked out
He got up outta there, ran for hundreds of miles
He made it to the ocean, had a smoke in a tree
The wind rose up, set him down on his knee
A wave came crashing like a fist to the jaw
Delivered him wings, "Hey, look at me now"
Arms wide open with the sea as his floor
Oh, power, oh
He's.. flying
Whole
High.. wide, oh
He floated back down 'cause he wanted to share
His key to the locks on the chains he saw everywhere
But first he was stripped and then he was stabbed
By faceless men, well, fuckers
He still stands
And he still gives his love, he just gives it away
The love he receives is the love that is saved
And sometimes is seen a strange spot in the sky
A human being that was given to fly
High.. flying
Oh, oh
High.. flying
Oh, oh
He's flying
Oh, oh
"Given to Fly" by Pearl Jam
He could've tuned in, tuned in
But he tuned out
A bad time, nothing could save him
Alone in a corridor, waiting, locked out
He got up outta there, ran for hundreds of miles
He made it to the ocean, had a smoke in a tree
The wind rose up, set him down on his knee
A wave came crashing like a fist to the jaw
Delivered him wings, "Hey, look at me now"
Arms wide open with the sea as his floor
Oh, power, oh
He's.. flying
Whole
High.. wide, oh
He floated back down 'cause he wanted to share
His key to the locks on the chains he saw everywhere
But first he was stripped and then he was stabbed
By faceless men, well, fuckers
He still stands
And he still gives his love, he just gives it away
The love he receives is the love that is saved
And sometimes is seen a strange spot in the sky
A human being that was given to fly
High.. flying
Oh, oh
High.. flying
Oh, oh
He's flying
Oh, oh
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
30 Things: Day 29
in this past month, what have you learned?
I have learned that I am strong.
I have learned that The Teenager and I can pack up our house and move in three days if necessary.
I have learned that this entire year has been one incredibly long test and it's finals week. Just have to hold on for a few more days.
I have learned that my girls are truly the reason I do this every day.
I have learned that I still believe in kindness and love.
I have learned that I am smarter than people give me credit for.
I have learned (again) that my siblings are numero uno.
I have learned that where there is a will, there is a way.
I have learned that music really is the best medicine for ... everything.
I have learned that life never stops. You never actually stop encountering problems, challenges, heartache, or happiness. It's the way you deal with these things that determines your happiness and peace.
I have learned that no matter how early I order holiday cards, they still won't be mailed until after Christmas.
I have learned from my mistakes but realize I still have a lot more to learn.
I have learned that a temperamental furnace can be excruciatingly frustrating.
I have learned that people are good. All of us.
I have learned that I am strong.
I have learned that The Teenager and I can pack up our house and move in three days if necessary.
I have learned that this entire year has been one incredibly long test and it's finals week. Just have to hold on for a few more days.
I have learned that my girls are truly the reason I do this every day.
I have learned that I still believe in kindness and love.
I have learned that I am smarter than people give me credit for.
I have learned (again) that my siblings are numero uno.
I have learned that where there is a will, there is a way.
I have learned that music really is the best medicine for ... everything.
I have learned that life never stops. You never actually stop encountering problems, challenges, heartache, or happiness. It's the way you deal with these things that determines your happiness and peace.
I have learned that no matter how early I order holiday cards, they still won't be mailed until after Christmas.
I have learned from my mistakes but realize I still have a lot more to learn.
I have learned that a temperamental furnace can be excruciatingly frustrating.
I have learned that people are good. All of us.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
30 Things: Day 28
a picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then.
October 2010
December 2011
the truth is. i have changed more in the past year than maybe my entire life. not physically. i mean, well, that too. yes, my hair is much shorter, i weigh a baby less, i live in a new town, i have two daughters instead of one, and i have a million more wrinkles.
but my soul has changed. my core. i wish there was time to write about how in one blog post. no. actually i don't. i'll save it for later. 2012 is going to be big. you just wait.
instead, i'll sum up the past year with one word: defining.
no deep meaning or vaingloriousness intended. but to the person who sent me the message below: no i don't think i'm wise. i'm lazy. period. the end.
"one day, if you're lucky, people are going to hate you as much as they love you."
my most awesome blog-hate mail yet:
"Maybe you will blog about how smart and honest and perfect you are. Maybe you will just stick to your usual arrogant tone and write about ... how you are a living angel destined to be translated to heaven. the end. (I got that from you...and I didn't forget to capitalize. I think its cool. My trademark.) You are not clever. You are not funny. And you have some of the worst taste and poorest judgment when it comes to general propriety in what you write in a public forum. Step down from your high horse. Stop pretending you are Walt Whitman or Hemingway."
October 2010
December 2011
(c) j.h. 2011
the truth is. i have changed more in the past year than maybe my entire life. not physically. i mean, well, that too. yes, my hair is much shorter, i weigh a baby less, i live in a new town, i have two daughters instead of one, and i have a million more wrinkles.
but my soul has changed. my core. i wish there was time to write about how in one blog post. no. actually i don't. i'll save it for later. 2012 is going to be big. you just wait.
instead, i'll sum up the past year with one word: defining.
no deep meaning or vaingloriousness intended. but to the person who sent me the message below: no i don't think i'm wise. i'm lazy. period. the end.
"one day, if you're lucky, people are going to hate you as much as they love you."
my most awesome blog-hate mail yet:
"Maybe you will blog about how smart and honest and perfect you are. Maybe you will just stick to your usual arrogant tone and write about ... how you are a living angel destined to be translated to heaven. the end. (I got that from you...and I didn't forget to capitalize. I think its cool. My trademark.) You are not clever. You are not funny. And you have some of the worst taste and poorest judgment when it comes to general propriety in what you write in a public forum. Step down from your high horse. Stop pretending you are Walt Whitman or Hemingway."
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