Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Stupidity is Contagious

Today I made the mistake of going out in public. Typically I try to avoid social situations, especially on Tuesdays when all the stupid people seem to flock to the streets.

First, suffice it to say that bad drivers should be shot. Maybe it's time to ban cell phones and iPods all together. Or, for the lady who almost side-swiped me, put down your fucking cheeseburger and DRIVE! As she was feeding her face and breaking four traffic laws, I was forced to swerve, honk, and use five swear words in front of my daughter.

Second, the trifecta: Lazy, stupid, obese people. I know I am going to hell for this. I know I am. But I sat and watched some fat ass let a 16-year-old girl load bags of ice into his car at Sonic. No, he was not in the drive-thru. He was sitting at one of the parking spots, which required her to squeeze in between his car and the order board -- on rollerblades -- and put five bags of ice into his back seat. All the while his fat ass sat in the car sucking down a slurpee. Really, dude? You're that big of a glutton? Screw you, buddy.

Third, just stupid people in general. They are out in swarms. From the ugly faces they pull as they shuffle along grocery store aisles or the way they take 5 minutes to fill out a deposit slip at the bank. Get your shit together, people. Case in point: Red Box is a horrible idea for communities like mine. People aren't smart enough to figure it out. Especially housewives on xanax. The sign clearly said, "This Red Box is not accepting returns". Yet two ladies stood there in their mom jeans holding their returns and pulling Aunt Judy faces ... like it was the end of the world. "I guess I better call them." Or maybe just move out of the way for the people who can read. Or just drive down the road two blocks to another Red Box. No, she's going to call them and warn everyone that it's broken. I bet she can't wait to tell her husband. Over pot roast. Burn in hell, lady.

Perhaps the source of my contempt is that I have become a hermit over the last five months. It's hard to explain, really. I know the sun is shining and that I have a lot to be thankful for. I do. I just need to remember to stay home on Tuesdays.