Tuesday, March 29, 2011

30 Things: Days 15 & 16

15. put your iPod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play
16. another picture of yourself

boom. that's right, 30 Things. take that ... first i start losing interest, then i'll start short-cutting our relationship by doing two- in-one posts, then i'll ignore you, then i'll change my number ... and then i'll feel bad, there will be words said, and you'll be another part of my past that seemed so simple.

first 10 songs that play on shuffle while i look for a picture of myself ...

"Gentle Hours" Yo La Tengo : "I Was Wrong" Badly Drawn Boy : "Taxman" The Beatles : "Bachelorette" Bjork : "Yellow Ledbetter" Pearl Jam : "Duet for Guitars #3" M. Ward : "Scenario" A Tribe Called Quest : "Pam Berry" The Shins : "Delia's Gone" Johnny Cash : "Head South" Modest Mouse : "Bodhisattva Vow" Beastie Boys

this photo is from dec 2008. i would probably call it "jameson in the morning". this time of my life was relatively uncomplicated. good music, good friends, sunny winters. i feel like this picture is really how the photographer saw me? and i think it's pretty close to who i was. i felt like my real self. and i don't want to go back but i want to remember. i hated getting my picture taken at the time, but i like to see it now.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Social Interaction: We All Need It

I have a clean shot at six hours of sleep if I go to bed right now, but I can't shut off my brain. You know when you have the radio on SCAN and it just keeps going through each channel? That's how my brain works. Next thing you know you've been listen to 5 second spots for over 30 minutes.

I am in a pisser of a mood tonight. But these days, if I can go to bed and no one has lost a limb, I count my blessings.

And there were some pretty good things that happened this weekend so I shall focus on them.

Saturday one of my very favorite friends had a baby shower. I was determined to be there. With bells on. And I showed up. About three hours late. Although the baby shower was over, I was able to spend some quality time with Kelly and Bethie. I mean, I feel like a real jerk and I know it's really rude, but all in all it worked out. (I hope, fingers crossed, promise to try harder next time.)

During the ten minutes I was at the shower, the hostess walked up to me and said, "Hi, I'm (insert name here). Ooooh. Can I hold your baby?"

Right as I hand her Lucy, she looks at me and says, "I am rrrreally drunk." Okay, I will take my baby back and it was nice to meet you. I admire a woman who gets trashed at a baby shower. In the middle of the day. Reminds me of me in the old days. But no one under the influence is going to be holding my baby. Good hell, people.

Another awesome conversation I had that day went like this:

Me: "I forget how young you guys are, I am a lot older than you."
Man: "How old are you?"
Me: "I'm 36."
Man: "Wow. You are old as shit."

Thank you, I mean, really thank you. I assumed this is a compliment because I don't look a day over 25 and his comment was a knee jerk reaction to unbridled surprise.

Later, when discussing motherhood and my inability to nurse, I made the mistake of saying, "Well, I'm like an old cow and there was just no milk in there."

And the same person said, "You know what they do to the old cows on the farm? Shoot 'em. If they can't make milk anymore, they are too old so they shoot them."

The funny thing is, I love the person saying this and I know he isn't being mean. That's just him and I like it. I respect his honesty and I am old. And if I were a cow. I would be shot. What's the big deal?

I was also lucky enough to see my most favorite cousin today. And that in itself makes for a great weekend. She is the best and I love her.

And The Teenager and I had some good, long talks laying in bed when we were supposed to be sleeping. I love that kid. She is really something.

Alright, time is up. This old cow has got to sleep now.

Friday, March 25, 2011

30 Things: Day 14

a picture of you and your family

my brother, two of my sisters, one brother-in-law, and the very famous Maximus are not pictured.
this was taken last saturday. i love all of these people very much. (missing ones included.)

Thursday, March 24, 2011

30 Things: Day 13

a letter to someone who has hurt you recently

Dear Bed Frame,

The other day when I was cleaning, you hurt me. In fact, you may have broken my toe. What hurts the most is that you took off all of the polish from my recent pedicure. So now it sticks out, red and swollen, and unpolished. I don't think you understand how severe the pain has been. How? How could you hurt me like this?

In time, I will forgive you. But both I and my toe need some time to heal.


Wednesday, March 23, 2011

30 Things: Day 12

how you found out about blogger and why you have one

i don't remember how i found out about blogger. i think i invented blogging actually. i started a website in 2001 that was basically a blog. and i was always creating online journals and talking about trips and documenting weird stuff.

my first "official" blog on blogger was published in 2005 and i had no idea why it was called a "blog" or how to use it correctly, or put more than one picture in each post. anyway, i took my grandma and c.j. to Graceland and created a real blog about it. kinda.

of course, blog masterpieces such as Halloween and Disneyland would hit the world wide web shortly after.

apparently 2005 was a big year.

just one bite came along in 2009 because it felt like a good outlet for my personal writing. and blogger had evolved into a better environment, more about music and stories and dating and life instead of quilts and family vacations (do NOT say it). i keep it and write in it now because it really is therapy for myself. i write to remember, to learn, and because it's easy on here. it keeps me sane. it gets it out of my brain and somewhere else. i have many, many posts that i will never publish but that i had to get out. they sit in my drafts like little shaking boxes tied and wrapped with string and tape, waiting to get out to destroy.

aside from just one bite i have a blog about my adorable family to keep in touch with relatives that i don't see very often.

so there's the how and the why.

the "what" is that i wish i would never have been so zealous about this 30 day thing. it's making me crazy. i want to write about how i built a desk with my bare hands, what life is like when you are a hermit and don't have the Internet at home, or about the day my belief was restored that people are good; that it's harder to accept than give. i want to break up with 30 Things right now. "it's not you, it's me. i don't have the time to give you the attention you deserve. you have so many questions and i am too busy. i feel like you're 'telling' me what to write and i ..."

story of my life? fine. i'll finish the damn thing.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

happy. happy. happy anniversary.

65 years ago today, my gramps and grams got married.

i wish i could have been at their wedding. i wish i could see their love in its youth.
i wish i could see their youth and smiles and happiness.

my grandma said tonight, "i am mad at him. i am mad at him for leaving me here."

i don't blame her, but i am sure glad he did.

chloe and i have been reading the letters he sent to her when he was in WW2. the one above is from february 24, 1946. they are treasures. some funny, some sad, some mushy, some mean ... but ALL treasures.
in chloe's words, "Love is NOT like it used to be."

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

30 Things: Day 11

another picture of you and your friends

this is where my OCD kicks in. i have so many friends that are so good to me that i feel like i need to post about 100 pictures. i know i haven't included everyone, but i have taken the liberty to post more pictures than the rules allow.

true friends check in on you even when you don't respond. they come visit and send notes to cheer you up.

lifelong friends go to vegas with you and love you no matter what. when you leave vegas, they love you as much as when you arrived.

soulmate friends take care of you, love you unconditionally, have your back, and give it to you straight. then they tell you they love you. they are strong and beautiful.

real friends laugh at your dysfunction, cry when they are happy to see you, make you do things that are good for you, and have a heart as big as the moon.

best friends listen a lot, offer support, give great perspective, and quietly but diligently watch over you.