we've got tonight, who needs tomorrow?

i am looking for another job (either a second job or a happier one) and every interview seems to go really, really awesome. until i think about it later. i've determined i turn into Buddy the Elf at every job interview.

interviewer: "have you ever worked in a call center?"

me: "no, but i love them!"

interviewer: "why?"

me: "well there was a guy named Mike that called me like three years ago and he was going to help me with my credit... i can't remember the name of the company ... but he was THE NICEST GUY. i didn't use their services but i told my family about how great this guy was. they all thought i needed to get out more because i was falling in love with someone who wanted to fix my credit, but no, he was great. i mean, he called exactly when i asked and he was so, so, so sweet.  i can't remember the name of the company .... "

interviewer: blank stare

me: BIG SMILE "i just love call centers."

if it's over the phone, i put on my sharon-who-wears-scarves voice. "hello, my heavens Robert we've been playing phone tag, ahhahh ha ha ha ahhha ha (deep breath) ahha ha."

anyway, i hate myself. and i have to not remember those stories. that i experience. and am probably made fun of later by the companies i apply at. but at least only me, i'm the only one i know that knows what happened and so i'm not really embarrassed.

so. here is goes. i'm in a funk. like a i'm going to throw the dog out the window, punch someone in the nose, cry for three hours, sleep for 12, become clinically insane, losing the will to shower funk. and i have an antidepressant and i know depression is very serious. there is nothing you can do when you fall into it. there is nothing anyone can do. and it's an incredibly scary place. but it gets better, eventually. maybe months later. i want anyone reading this to know, that i understand and i am not minimizing the situation. i struggle with it. alot. and this last bought has been over 6 months of it. so the fact that i am ever sitting upright is a win.

SO. what would you do (with the means you have) if you had one week left to live? you can't travel to Rome (unless you have the money in your account today and a jet) and it has to be something you really would do. just one week from wherever you may be sitting, starting this Sunday thru next. what would you do?