suddenly, there is no need for nutrition or sleep. nothing outside of the hospital room matters. there is no want for anything but to hold and love this perfect, tiny, amazing human being. hours and hours are spent watching them sleep.
she's been in this world for 4 minutes.
she's been in the world for 6 hours.
she's only been here for 2 days.
she's perfect.
my first baby girl was born 14 years ago. my second baby girl was born 9 weeks ago. each experience was totally different in every aspect ... EVERY aspect. but i am so in love with both of them that it actually makes my heart ache.
she's been on this earth for 14 years.
she's been here for 9 weeks.
they are perfect.
and yet along with all this perfection and happiness there is real life. and while i've been blissfully consumed with a newborn, reality has been tapping me on the shoulder as if to warn me that life is piling up and when the dam breaks ... there is going to be a lot of upstream paddling involved.
we'll never be the family in matching shirts at Disneyland. we'll never be on time. there will always be expired milk in the fridge. we'll never follow all the rules. there won't be a lot of baking happening in our house. Christmas cards will always be sent out in february. rent will always be late. and one of us will always have a mysterious rash or illness. but at the end of the day, my girls will know that they are loved, safe and perfect. they will know that nothing is more important than the truth. they will know kindness and gratitude.
we'll live with the unexpected. we'll dream about summer homes in mexico. we'll burn frozen pizzas. we'll sleep through school when it snows. we'll laugh at each other. we'll follow our hearts. we'll make really stupid mistakes. we'll fight. we'll pull nana's wig off. we'll have too much to drink. we'll forget our coats. we may not even shower for days at a time. we will live with a lot of forgiveness and a little bit of profanity. it might not make sense to others, but it is, truly, the beautiful disaster that is my life.
welcome 2011. i'm taking it one day at a time.
I want to publish you.
ReplyDeleteRemeber the first comment I made on your blog? It was something along the lines of your honesty being refreshing, but it wasnt about a babies, it was about dastardly men and the dating scene...or something like that. I feel like life is a wet blanket and I am a small flame but things like this make me want to find some kind of spark to write again.
my life is complete then ... if i never write again. thank you. that's all. just thanks.
ReplyDelete