craptastic

sometimes i get to the point where i, selfishly, blurt out whatever i'm thinking. i guess you could say i have the "fight or flight" syndrome. i have a really strong physical reaction to things that happen in my life and i demand resolution NOW. recently i've tried a few new tactics like writing "STOP" on one hand and "THINK" on the other. or i'll sleep on a decision or impulse. or i'll walk out of a room. i have a close friend who was telling me about her 6-year-old daughter and how they were dealing with her behavioral problems (which i find adorable, by the way). the techniques I had tried were very similar to the ones my friend had been taught by behavioral experts at the University of Utah.

what is wrong with me?

i internalize things to the point that i can't sleep or focus. i worry about things that are totally irrelevant. i may even be (gasp) obsessing. people accuse me of being dramatic and i think i might be. but why? i don't want to be. i'm exhausted. 

i think i need a vacation. maybe a mini one. i would go camping or up in the mountains for a day. (let's be realistic, i can't go longer than about 4 hours without my girls.) i just need to clear my head. get outside of my head. i need a good laugh or a facial.

i'm over thinking things way too much. and it causes problems. like ulcers, migraines, cold sores, canker sores, eye rashes ... and don't get me started about how i waxed an entire eye brow off. and now, i'm being told that stress is possibly throwing off my ph balance and may result in having to cut off about 5 inches of my hair. it's hard to say. and it's boring. i'm just a small town girl living in a lonely world, i wanna take a midnight train going anywhere.

the obvious answer is headphones and bed. music is always the perfect distraction. tomorrow i will feel better. i guess i am glad that i have emotions. feelings. passion. conviction. even if i'm wrong. i won't stop believing. i'm going to hold on to the feeling.