Wednesday, February 1, 2012

math is more fun than ben

staying consistent with my lofty goals for 2012, i pledge to blog only about all things bright, new, and shiny. and serious. new, important things that will provide insight for all of mankind. topics dedicated to a cause. things i believe in. words formed together in sentences to make the world a better place.

to that end, i would like to talk about this travesty: The Bachelor.

holy jesus.

undoubtedly the biggest waste of time this year was the one hour or so i spent watching this week's episode. clearly people have lost their damned minds. this show, or at least this season of the show, is just unbelievably lame. this show -- "this show" being The Bachelor -- well, anyone contributing to it should be ashamed for using electricity (even solar-powered electricity ) to produce it. i know it isn't intended to be a psychological thriller or hard hitting documentary, but what? The Bachelor has no entertainment value whatsoever.

in all truthfulness, i am pretty sure i enjoyed the show (it's hard for me to even type the name, it is) a few years ago when it was somewhat interesting. i mean, don't get me wrong, it's no Temptation Island but even i enjoy mindless entertainment from time to time. anydamnway, i knew someone who was purportedly on it this season so innocently enough, i decided to DVR it. i sure did. fortunately (for her) she is not around on the episode i caught; apparently she escaped the possibility of becoming Bachelor Ben's future bride earlier in the season. unfortunately (for me) it was painful to watch.

first of all, this Ben guy? he's a complete dipshit.

question: does he always look this confused?
answer: yes.

question: is it annoying?
answer: yes.

in real life, this guy probably can't get one date. now he has sixteen or so crying about how they have "fallen for him" every night. that's totally real. and he has no redeeming qualities. he's not cute, he's not charismatic, he's not especially intelligent, and he's not funny, quirky, or tall. and of course he falls for the biggest skank in the group: some bitchy model who has an "f-list" of the girls she hates. it's almost like a G-rated version of Rock of Love without Bret Michaels, bandannas, or interesting females. no creepy eyeliner. no barfing at the dinner table. nothing. just nothing.

how does this happen? how does every girl fall in love with Ben? where do all the rejected girls come up with those tears? how is it that none of them have ever donkey punched the bitchy model? how do they find sponsors to keep this show on air? maybe that's why Ben looks confused all the time ... maybe he's just enjoying the free booze and getting some ass. because he can. why not? good for you.

i kept waiting. i kept waiting for it to get more interesting. and it just didn't. all i wanted was one girl to say, yeah, i don't see it. i don't have feelings for him. no matter how much i drink, or even, shit! ANOTHER cold sore?pass the Valtrex.

there is no depth to the souls of these people. no real conversations. nothing that isn't completely expected or superficial or stupid. no crazy saxophone player or ventriloquist. it's just horrifically dull. 

huh. so this is what happens on the first day of being unemployed? terrifying.

1 comment :

  1. I can't see how people get all excited about this show. One guy making out with 16 other people. It's all fake and obnoxious. And stupid. You outlined it perfectly.

    What's up with the unemployment thing?


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