i make no excuses

... i left on a sour note. mad at the small town antics i typically adore. but i'm back. i thought i had run out of words, or rather they had lost their meanings. and maybe for awhile both assumptions were true.

i did some things last month. setting my bitterness aside, i set out on a flurry of activity and organized chaos. ah, summer.

here is a crash course of my time line from june to present:
it got hot :: mom goes to rehab :: stadium of fire :: gained five pounds :: gratitude :: wyoming :: lagoon :: nevada :: arizona :: stomach flu :: california :: idaho :: forgiveness :: bear lake :: world's most adorable nephew turns two :: back to bear lake :: mom stays in rehab :: happiness :: vomit :: family reunion :: nightmare :: gained three more pounds :: chest cold :: love :: the smell of football season

it's a summary. an outline. the truth is, i am not sure i could capture everything in a remotely interesting way. instead, i'll try to offer small nuggets here and there for your entertainment. for tonight, i'll stick to forgiveness and vomit.

i have always considered myself a forgiving person. i do have a tendency to get mad and react. but once i get it out, i let it go. i forgive and forget. recently, the tables have been turned and i have been lucky enough to have people forgive me. one person, in particular. i have learned that saying "i'm sorry" is one of the hardest things to do, but also one of the most important. and it seems like i have had to offer those two words up a lot lately. and today i truly realized how forgiving my boyfriend is. i am so lucky to have someone who forgives me for my flaws. my outbursts. my moods. my irrational thinking. my impulses. my stubbornness. my hormones. my quirks. my mean streak. my selfishness. my mistakes. my complexities.

i mean, don't get me wrong, i am not always a terror. at least i hope not. but i know that i am not the easiest person to live with or understand. but he sticks with me. he comes after me. he refuses to give up on me. he tries to understand me. and in doing these things, he has taught me that unconditional love is real and it's worth it. it's not easy, but it's worth it. and i have fallen in love with him all over again.

now i will go throw up.

the end.