From the desk of ...

There is no real purpose to this post, other than to get a few things off my chest. My writing tonight is the equivalent of finally dropping off those old clothes at Goodwill.

I feel stupid. I feel like I need to learn something new by taking a class, reading a book, or traveling to another country. Or I need to find a totally different career. Or maybe I just need to have more interesting conversations. I had dinner with one of my best friends recently and I realized how much I miss two things: pork chops and perspective. Sigh. Good friends are important.

Sometimes I let myself get worked up too much. I mean, I really shouldn't dislike Tom Cruise so much. It's not productive. And who cares if People magazine wrote a review of The National (months ago) that was completely ridiculous? Why can't I let it go? I guess the same reason I have fierce aversions to Jersey Shore and Tosh.0. Hate both shows but for entirely different reasons.

I have barfed up all my favorite foods this summer. Even my beloved Big Mac. I could see the sesame seeds from the bun. Gross, huh?

Celebrities still creep me out.

I get embarrassed when I read things I have written for various jobs or mindless ramblings. I am sure I'll be embarrassed about this blog one day.

There are two sounds that make me feel safe: the furnace kicking on and Al Michaels' voice.

I find gossiping offensive to the point it makes me physically sick. There is nothing uglier or more disgusting than someone who uses his or her day spreading gossip.

This month I made red velvet cupcakes. I had been talking about them since March and I finally did it. It was the first time I'd baked in years. They were damn good. I injected them with cream cheese frosting ... like red velvet Ding Dongs.

Hopefully this brief and insignificant purging will make room for new, exciting things in my brain.

A Special Dirty 30

See this lady? She's 30 today.

Tawny aka Terry aka Tootsie aka Tawn Tawn aka Little Critter joins the dirty 30 club today. My little sister, all grown up! What can I say ...

To know Tawny is to love her. How could you not? She is one of the most genuine, sweet, caring, funny people I know. You can trust her forever and she has a huge heart. Tawny is sensitive yet feisty. You want her on your side ... always. I am blessed to be her friend and extra blessed to be her sister.

Tawny has a special gift when it comes to people. She relates to them. Which is why she is so good at what she does. She works with adults who have disabilities or behavioral challenges. Her clients quickly become her close friends and a huge part of her life. She has experienced the heartbreak of seeing many of these friends pass away or become seriously ill. Others have punched her, head-butted her, spit on her, and called her names. Yet everyday she meets the physical and emotional demands of a job dedicated to making their lives better. And everyday I am in awe of her compassion and strength. I admire her so much for her love for humanity, and for so many other reasons.

My little sis has an altruistic personality and brightens the room with her presence. She is unique, vibrant, and full of energy. This weekend, I hope she has the celebration she deserves. Here's to another 30 years! I love you!

i make no excuses

... i left on a sour note. mad at the small town antics i typically adore. but i'm back. i thought i had run out of words, or rather they had lost their meanings. and maybe for awhile both assumptions were true.

i did some things last month. setting my bitterness aside, i set out on a flurry of activity and organized chaos. ah, summer.

here is a crash course of my time line from june to present:
it got hot :: mom goes to rehab :: stadium of fire :: gained five pounds :: gratitude :: wyoming :: lagoon :: nevada :: arizona :: stomach flu :: california :: idaho :: forgiveness :: bear lake :: world's most adorable nephew turns two :: back to bear lake :: mom stays in rehab :: happiness :: vomit :: family reunion :: nightmare :: gained three more pounds :: chest cold :: love :: the smell of football season

it's a summary. an outline. the truth is, i am not sure i could capture everything in a remotely interesting way. instead, i'll try to offer small nuggets here and there for your entertainment. for tonight, i'll stick to forgiveness and vomit.

i have always considered myself a forgiving person. i do have a tendency to get mad and react. but once i get it out, i let it go. i forgive and forget. recently, the tables have been turned and i have been lucky enough to have people forgive me. one person, in particular. i have learned that saying "i'm sorry" is one of the hardest things to do, but also one of the most important. and it seems like i have had to offer those two words up a lot lately. and today i truly realized how forgiving my boyfriend is. i am so lucky to have someone who forgives me for my flaws. my outbursts. my moods. my irrational thinking. my impulses. my stubbornness. my hormones. my quirks. my mean streak. my selfishness. my mistakes. my complexities.

i mean, don't get me wrong, i am not always a terror. at least i hope not. but i know that i am not the easiest person to live with or understand. but he sticks with me. he comes after me. he refuses to give up on me. he tries to understand me. and in doing these things, he has taught me that unconditional love is real and it's worth it. it's not easy, but it's worth it. and i have fallen in love with him all over again.

now i will go throw up.

the end.