Monday, April 18, 2011

30 Things: Days 18 & 19

18. plans/dreams/goals you have
19. nicknames you have and why you have them

I think I saw you walking in the city,
Hips like boy's,
The sun fell behind you and never stood up.
My head plays it over and over.
I think I heard you singing,
'Oh poor sky, don't cry on me
Did somebody break your heart again?
Oh poor sky, don't cry on me
Are you gonna fall apart again?'
My head plays it over and over.

Plans. Dreams. Goals.
Plans. I don't have plans. Because plans get ruined or canceled. I prefer to say I have an idea and a direction, with no real plan to get there, other than to get there.

Dreams. I have dreams. No matter how bad things are; no matter how good things are... I have dreams. And lots of them. I dream of finding the perfect words to say at the perfect time. I dream of both my girls being happy in life; of them being as big a part of my life forever as they are today. I dream about love. I dream about Mexico. I dream about my grandpa. I dream about the day I can be happy without feeling guilty about it. I dream about moving out of Utah. I dream about the day I look back and think, ah, so that is what it was all for.

Goals. My goals change a lot. I once had a goal to be a lawyer. I then had a goal to be a psychologist. Then an accountant. Then a marketing executive. Eventually, my goal was just to graduate from college. I guess my goals depend on where I am at in life. Right now, my goal is to get through each day gracefully. One day at a time.

And of course I have one goal that supersedes all others ... and that is to be a good mother. To always, always, always put my girls first. To do whatever it takes to provide for them; to let them know I love them. To appreciate them everyday. To make them laugh. To teach them how to make good decisions. To take care of them when they are sick. To figure out how to pay for their first cars, college, and weddings. To be at volleyball games, softball games, dance competitions ... to be there. No matter when or where. Every time they need me.

Oh yeah, and I also have these goals:
- Take Chloe to Italy
- See Garth Brooks live
- Meet Dr. Phil
- Make all my nieces and nephew scrapbooks
- Have a shot of bubble gum vodka with Karma
- Write a letter to someone every week ... and mail it ... old school ... handwritten
- Repair my credit
- Live in a place one day that my girls call "home"

Huh. Maybe I have more goals than I thought.

And I for sure have more nicknames than I want. Hello Day 19, thanks for bunking with Day 18.

Nicknames & Meanings
Curly (my dad)
Carlotta (my dad, my mom)
Car (my siblings and friends)
Fetha or Gramboo (bff)
Muscles (my teammates, don't even fucking say it...)
CashB (my friend Armen is creative)
Carlicious (friend, boyfriend, it's cute)
Carl (my brother started this ... because I look like a man)
Sharon (my drunk alter ego who used to cause A LOT of problems, wear scarves, and destroy things)
Roberta (the phlegm-throat cat lady who lives under the delusion that she had a romance with her sister's husband; also has a special lady friend named Lancaster who also likes to clear her throat)
Crotch, Foxy P. Intoxy (Crotch Club)
Carlsberg (like the beer?)

Riveting ... I know.
And that's a wrap.


  1. I can help you with the scrapbooks...seriously, I have a factory. I will drink vodka with you someday, if not someday very soon. Garth...sigh...let me see how the OT on the books looks. We may have to go see him in Vegas. Vegas, indeed!

  2. i would LOVE to see a pro at work. my poor Lo has a scrapbook with about 1 month of her 14 years in it. i remember seeing one you made for a couple's wedding. good lord, people like me (untalented) would pay millions for that.
    garth. garth. garth. do you think my broke ass can afford him? ha! i don't get paid for OT and i already work around the clock. how do we really justify that expense? i mean ... well, we'll have to see. maybe i can sell a couch or something. i need to figure out how to get to vegas. and i don't mean logistically, i mean having the courage to leave LuLu overnight. i'm a wuss.
    vegas indeed. oh how i need a break from everything not vegas. i need to get on the horn.

  3. and then I think of this line "You have a baby. In a bar."


chew it up or spit it out: