Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Silky Johnson

Note to self: One's vibrator, lubrication, and journal should not be hidden under your mattress. It's not only too obvious but it's also ironically easy to forget about. For example, when movers are coming to clear out your room (and of course Grandma is overseeing every detail) it can make for an uncomfortable situation.

Grandma: "You've got stuff in here, come and get it!" 

Me: "There is absolutely nothing left in there that is mine.....oh...."
I glance down at the monkey and sparkly...."stuff" as my audience surveys me.

Two VERY conservative and uncomfortable men were frozen like hostages while hoisting a mattress as they waited patiently for a resolution, sweat dripping from their brows.

Me: "Oh heh heh. I'll take those. Chloe's diary and oh! a fancy pen... is that a water gun, heh, heh, cell phones these days... ope! lotion... she's... stuff... that kid... she's something... "

Hey, I'm 34! It's just how it is. It's like plastic surgery for the single ladies, some choose to do it to hold onto their youth... you just don't go around advertising it. In my mind, it's not much different than my grandma hiding her coffee maker when the "ward" comes over with her fancy silky cover made out of her old garments. 

1 comment :

  1. Just utterly fabulous! Oh Carly...I have decided that in the event of a fire in my bedoorm the smell of burning latex would be so overpowering, I would have to instantly quit my job and move to a far away land.

    I recently made a pact with a friend that should I die, she would come into my house before my poor mother or other family members and do the "sweep" for "flashlights".

    Oh, what an ode to a single girl's life...


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