Thursday, June 11, 2009

Twitter: More Annoying Than Herpes

...And apparently just as contagious.

I've never tried Twitter and I don't have herpes. But I plan to avoid both forever.

I am growing increasingly annoyed with the twitterers. Mostly because twits (i.e.Type A personalities) think they are super important. If you look "twit" up in the dictionary, it's pretty self explanatory (and kinda ironic):

twit (twĭt)
tr.v. twit·ted, twit·ting, twits
To taunt, ridicule, or tease, especially for embarrassing mistakes or faults. See Synonyms at ridicule.
1. The act or an instance of twitting.
2. A reproach, gibe, or taunt.
3. Slang A foolishly annoying person.

This one is my favorite and, in my opinion, the most accurate:

twit  [twit]
–noun Informal.
an insignificant or bothersome person.

Duh. If I want to know what my friends are doing every second, I'll call them. I'll even consider email. I am so over the psychology and egos behind the social networking world. If you're important enough to have a following, I recommend you find a way to make it work for your bank account, not your self esteem. Yay you!

I recently deleted my Facebook account. It's a small step to rid myself of the online epidemic replacing real life. I am confident that the people in my life that I want to stay in touch with will get a hold of me. If someone is getting married, having a baby, breaking up with their boyfriend, or taking a shit... let's assume they'll call me if I rrrreally need to know about it.

I bet Pau Gasol has herpes (and bad breath). And Dwight Howard has the most awesome muscles. Ever. And I put my electric blanket back on my bed because I'm cold. I bought a book today. I'm going to read it right now. I love myself. It's June. I miss somebody. I am hungry. Cameltoes are tough. I think they make tires out of them. Blah blah blah twit twit twat.


  1. I just caved to twitter last week 'cause I wanted to spy on a friend's soon to be ex-husband's status but I couldn't see it without creating an account. I stooped, I made an account, and so far I hate it. I can't stand that every single media station, company, airline, celebrity, EVERYone has a twitter, calling each other tweeple, blah, blah...I don't get the appeal. Who the fuck can sum up the course of their life hour by hour in 90 characters or less? I'll admit I get sucked into facebook but at least there's interesting pictures there and you can make fun of your friends there. Stick that in your twit.

    Oh yeah...glad to see you posting again, you were gone for like 2 whole weeks!. I missed you! I need a good dose of sarcasm, disgust, hilarity and words like dildo and herpes.

    Maybe if more people bloggered than twittered the world would be more hopeful...

  2. who are you, and what have you done with my sister?

  3. Karma: They call each other tweeple? Ha ha! It's even more lamer than originally thought. I wonder if they like to twuck each tweeter. I hate them. When Ashton Kutcher and Spencer What's-Name and someone else had a contest, it was like, seriously, guys? You hate the paparazzi but you want 4 billion people following you? OVER IT. Facebook is pretty cool, mostly for the pictures, but I was incriminating myself. Trying to maintain all my mysteriousness and not get dumped over misinterpretations won out over my love of stalking. Now I just try to stalk people in person.
    Bloggerers rule. And you know, I was gone for this suck ass job that almost killed me. We had a big convention that we had to throw together and I was working so much it was like melt down, quit my job, melt down, almost get arrested, melt down, give up, and use more crass words than I originally knew in my vocabulary.
    Anyway, I'm back. Thanks for missing me. You've been busy!

    sis: watch out, soon i'll be off lds link up, too. and dating REAL people. i'll be on one of those eHarmony commercials with a handsy pervert.

  4. yea, i said more lamer. it was more gooder, too. roast.........


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