intervention

it's never fun when you are involved in an intervention; especially when you are the person the intervention is focused on. and that's exactly what happened to me last weekend.

i am not proud of it but part of my recovery is talking about it.

my big sister was in town and she, along with my other two sisters, convinced me that a change was needed. they were right.

after two days i caved to their demands and ... waxed my arm pits. it had gotten out of control. i just didn't realize it (or care). and i have to admit, i feel better. i even had my eyebrows waxed to prove my commitment to change. and, well i have to say it, i have a Brazilian scheduled next week. it is summer after all.

there. it's allll out on the table now. i know i have a long road ahead of me but i have a great support team. step two of the program is re-inserting myself into society. baby steps.

celebrating our gramps

happy birthday, handsome.

we miss you more than words can express.

Some people don't know when to stop.

I thought once I got out of junior high school I wouldn't have to worry about immature people trying to make me miserable. But, alas, I have been proven wrong ... and at the age of 35. I guess some people just don't know when to stop. Resorting to "exposing" my private life on my blog is really the last straw. Advertising something very important and intimate to me that I would like to keep private is the way this "someone" is trying to hurt me. Very immature. And even surprising. The only way I can stop his self destructive behavior is by deleting this blog.

My questions to you, perpetrator:

Have you thought about the consequences of your actions? Or why I might want to keep some things private? Do you know how many aspects of my life this could impact? Have you considered that I have close friends and even family members that I would like to talk to? In your reckless quest to hurt me, have you considered how many other people you are hurting? Of course not. You only know how to think about one person: yourself.

It makes me sad that you would stoop to such levels, especially considering the seriousness and importance of the situation. The only positive thing to come from this is that I found out sooner than later what kind of person you truly are. Your heart is not in the right place. And I don't know where your mind is. You really should try exercising some kind of discretion.

A man has no more character than he can command in a time of crisis.
-- Ralph W. Sockman

Me? Boring? Yes. Perhaps.

I am NOT boring. Maybe. Most of the time?

Shit.

I think I might be boring! What does this mean?

Ten reasons I fear this to be true:

1. I look forward to watching Brian Mullahy on the weekend news.

2. I was sober at the Spoon concert and 3. was incredibly annoyed by how drunk people were around me.

4. I get aggravated when people bump into me.

5. Most of my status updates are about food.

6. I only have four things on my bucket list.

7. I replaced my bright pink fingernail polish with "Sheer Ivory".

8. My idea of a good time is a good night's sleep.

9. Friday night's highlight was Crown Burger.

10. I watched Minute to Win It. Again.

I wish I could drink a gallon of paint or visit an exotic island where they say everything backwards. I think I need a change of scenery. I mean, people used to despise me. They used to hope I didn't open my mouth and voice my opinion. Some people called me "creative" and "exciting." I used to have a hard time keeping up with myself. I never cared that the batteries were dead in the TV remote. Now I would rather stay quiet to make time pass quickly. I ignore people rather than have a confrontation. My clothes don't match and I can't remember the last time I shaved my legs. Is there no happy medium?

Boring. Lacklustery. Humphf. How disappointing.

Lost in Free Translation

My sleep forecast is predicting little or no chance of slumber tonight so I thought I would share one of my favorite pastimes: free online translation! It takes everyday conversations and turns them into super-fun-laughing times.

Ahem, for example.

English: I have heartburn and think celebrities are creepy.

freetranslation.com to Spanish: Tengo acidez y pienso que las celebridades son escalofriantes.

freetranslation.com back to English: I have acidity and think that the fame is horrifying.

I know. It gets better with longer messages.

Real email: I had a weird dream last night. I was being arrested for attempted murder and had to surrender to a SWAT team. I was devastated because I had just had a baby girl and didn't know how I would smuggle her into prison. In the last 24 hours before my incarceration, we had a big party and celebrated the next 25 years of birthdays that I would miss. I wore a big hat.

freetranslation.com to Spanish: Tuve un sueño raro anoche. Fui detenido para el asesinato procurado y tenido que rendir a un equipo del GOLPE REPENTINO. Fui devastado porque acabo de tener una nena y no supe cómo yo la pasaría de contrabando en la prisión. En las últimas 24 horas antes de mi encarcelación, nosotros tuvimos un partido grande y celebramos los próximos 25 años de los cumpleaños que perdería. Llevé un sombrero grande.

freetranslation.com to English: I had a rare dream last night. I was person under arrest for the murder tried and had that to yield to a team of the SUDDEN BLOW. I was devastated because I have just had a nena and I did not I know how would pass it from contraband in the prison. In the last 24 hours before my imprisonment, we had a large party and we celebrate the next 25 years of the birthday that would lose. I carried a large hat.

It's kind of like my own version of Mad Libs ...

Not to change the subject but, do people really like Erykah Badu?

This love runs deep.

Just when you thought you loved The National more than life, you learn to love them more.

How?

First things first: Matt Berninger is sporting a golden beard that puts all other beards to shame. It's undeniably mysterious and magnificent. What? It is. Shave your faces, men ... you cannot compete with this.


Second: High Violet dropping May 11.

The just released High Violet track list:

01 Terrible Love
02 Sorrow
03 Anyone’s Ghost
04 Little Faith
05 Afraid of Everyone
06 Bloodbuzz Ohio
07 Lemonworld
08 Runaway
09 Conversation 16
10 England
11 Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks

You can pop over to Stereogum and piece together the new album here.*

And finally: touring, touring, touring. It's hard to truly LOVE a band if you can't see them live. The National is gracing the West Coast with a few shows -- if you can find one that is not sold out.

This love runs deep. Real deep.


___________
* While you are there, get a sneak peak of The Hold Steady's new album and watch a video of Spoon covering Wolf Parade's "Modern World." And then be VERY, VERY jealous that I am going to see Spoon and Deerhunter in Salt Lake City tonight.

Insomnia Undone

I am not 100% sure if this is the cure all for insomnia ... but it's a start.

Three words: memory foam mattress.

It'll change your life. If you have a great bed, buy a topper. It is amazing.

If you still are miserable, I recommend a fan. I picked up a jumbo fan at the walmarts to get the air circulating and it's great. Plus the loud humming covers up downstair noises. Double bonus!

Here are a few other things I know to be true:

1. Warm milk really does help - even if it's chocolate milk.

2. Loud music forces your mind to stop thinking.

3. Opening a window is helpful ... unless it's snowing.

4. 350+ thread counts go a long way.

5. Sleeping alone can sometimes be the best thing for insomnia.

Nothing earth shattering today, but. there. you. have. it.

Things I Can Do

I live in a crappin' old house. And since I have a hard time stomaching the sight of my mother eating plastic and singing to imaginary animals, I find stuff to do. Most recently, I learned how to tile. I went to Home Depot and bought some stuff and just did it. My shower had started to flood the bathroom anytime anyone other than I showered. So to avoid user error and clean up potentially hazardous mildew, here is what I did:

1. Remove old, black, poisonous, termite-filled tile and wood:


2. Put in new wood and mortar:


3. Apply new tile:


4. Apply grout (color: Haystack):



5. Clean tile and apply grout sealant:


6. Allow to cure for 48 hours before using shower:


Done! Before and after:

Next project: Build an office.

Paper Thin Walls

Guess what time of the month it is?

That's right! Time for "Annoying Things That Make Me Physically Sick"!

And ... go!

1. Time for my mom to get her prescriptions refilled. This means two days of her binging and zombie-like antics. This includes each of her eyes going different directions when you talk to her (creepy). Bonus annoying side effects: extremely loud snoring/sleep whistling that I can hear, even now, through the walls; watching her have hallucinations of flying babies and visiting relatives; more rotting of her insides.

2. Time for someone I love to break my heart.

3. Time for SNOW in the month of April. Seriously? God has a sick, sick sense of humor.

4. Time for me to miss my grandpa so much that it hurts.

5. Time for life changes that I don't know if I am ready for. Terrifying, exciting, and life-changing. Just when I thought I was reaching a point of peace in my life, I realize I still have so much more to learn.

6. Time to move. Time to change. Time to grow. Time to hurt. Time to be strong. Time to sleep.